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- Humor for Educators -
Copyright 2001 by John P. Wood for Learning Laffs. No Reproduction without permission.

BLAMEBALL

I've been playing blameball as long as anyone has. You know the game - two people square off in a volley of blaming questions until one surrenders. While I've never considered myself a blameball purist, I've always tried to play the game the way I learned it. You ask blaming questions that are on the same topic. It is that topic about which you are battling to assign blame. Consider the following blameball exchange:

Me: "Why didn't you do this assignment?"
Student: "Why didn't you help me with it?"
Me: "Why didn't you tell me you needed help?"
Student: "Why didn't you explain it better so I'd know that I needed help?"
Me: "Why didn't you pay better attention so you would know what was involved with the assignment?"
Student: "Why didn't you make the directions more interesting?"
Me: "Why don't you speak up if the directions are boring you?"
Student: "AAUURRGGHH!!"

Wasn't that exciting? I'm proud of that match. Tough volley. Did you notice that all of the blaming questions were focused on the same issue? That's the way I've always thought it should be. Lately, however, I've noticed that more and more players are using questionable questions. They are winning questions, to be sure, but I had always thought that they tainted the game. Take a look at this one:

Parent: "Why is my child failing your class?"
Me: "Why doesn't she do her homework?"
Parent: "Isn't she supposed to do her learning in school?"
Me: "Don't you think you have a role to play in your child's education?"
Parent: "Why can't she do all of her work in class?"
Me: "Do you expect me to use class time for homework, make-up work, and studying?"
Parent: "Where did you get that haircut?"
Me: "AAUUURGGHH!!"

See, that last question was off the subject. It was a questionable question. However, it was a blaming question and it was a winning question. Here's another example:

Me: "How did you fail this test?"
Student: "How could I ever pass, considering the way you teach?"
Me: "How do you explain the fact that everyone else in class passed the test?"
Student: "How do you explain the fact that a smart guy like you has a haircut like that?"
Me: "AAUURRGGHH!!"

That was another embarrassing loss for me. That haircut thing always gets me. But that loss caused me to reconsider my opposition to the questionable questions. Their use is obviously a winning strategy. So I figured I'd give it a try. Here's a match from yesterday:

Principal: "Why were your students running down the hall screaming?"
Me: "Why didn't you stop them?"
Principal: "Why were they even out in the hall?"
Me: "Why didn't you stop them, quiet them, and ask them that question?"
Principal: "Have you lost all control of your students?"
Me: "Where did you get that ugly tie?"
Principal: "AAUURRGGHH!!"

That was a big, big win for me. In fact, before that, I hadn't won in a very long time. I guess I just have to accept the fact that blameball is a living, breathing game. When the game changes, I just have to learn to adapt. Well, I'm adapting. From now on, I'll be the one asking the questionable questions. And, after tomorrow, I'll be the one with a new haircut.

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